Every coffee shop in Lamorinda hosts the same cast of characters. After extensive field research (sitting in coffee shops, drinking coffee), I present my findings.
The Laptop Camper
Arrives at 8:07 AM. Orders one medium drip. Sets up what can only be described as a mobile command center: laptop, external mouse, phone on stand, AirPods, and a notepad they will never write in. Will not leave until 2:30 PM. Tips well, which is why they’re tolerated.
Habitat: Any table near an outlet. Will guard that outlet with their life.
The Power-Walker Pit Stop
Appears in head-to-toe athletic wear, already glistening slightly from their morning constitutional. Orders an oat milk latte and stands — does not sit, stands — at the counter reviewing their Apple Watch stats while waiting. Consumes beverage in under four minutes. Leaves. We respect the efficiency.
Habitat: The pickup area. They do not require tables.
The Retired Friends Club
A group of three to six retirees who have been meeting at this exact coffee shop, at this exact table, every Tuesday and Thursday for the past fifteen years. They know everyone’s names. They have opinions about the new espresso machine. They are the backbone of this community and they will tell you about their grandchildren.
Habitat: The big table in the corner. Don’t even think about it.
The Mom Group
Four women, four strollers, occupying enough floor space to qualify for their own zip code. The children are either sleeping peacefully or engaged in some form of low-level warfare. There is no in-between. The moms are discussing something important and will not be interrupted.
Habitat: The area you were hoping to walk through.
The Confused Tourist
Occasionally, someone wanders in looking for directions to the Lafayette Reservoir or asking if we’re “close to San Francisco.” We guide them gently. We do not mention that the tunnel exists.
Habitat: Uncertain.
The Regular
Walks in. Does not order. The barista has already started making their drink. No words are exchanged. This is the dream. This is what we’re all working toward.
Habitat: Everywhere. Nowhere. They transcend location.
Which one are you? Don’t answer. We already know.